Despite my best efforts, I got all soul-searching again this year as I got closer to my birthday. I always try to ignore that feeling, and it always hits me no matter how hard I try to avoid it. This year is no exception.
This last year has been rough, to say the least. If you’ve read my blog for any length of time, I’m sure you notice it, too (hell, how can you not notice it when I have these times where I just need to vent and put my feelings out there?). I’m not always the best at knowing what to say so sometimes I try to think on it only to not respond at all. But to those of you who have reached out – thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
I can’t pretend that those days are behind me and that better days are ahead – because I don’t know if that’s even true. But I’m still getting up and going to work every day, so that’s good. And I haven’t run away from home yet, so that’s also good.
I’ve been trying to think about this next year. Ways I can be happier, mostly – things I can do for myself and my family to make life just… better. A lot of the things I’ve come up with are things I’ve struggled regularly with in general, but I think I’ve reached a tipping point where it all might “stick” if I do it now while I’m feeling the need for a change.
Over this next year I will…
Attempt to give up Facebook for good. I say attempt because I’ve never had much luck before. But more and more, lately, I’ve realized that instead of it being a support system it just makes me feel worse. And I’m tired of subbing “friends” for real, true friendship.
Supplement Facebook with interacting more directly with my real friends. Emailing them or messaging them or just something other than watching what they post up for the world to see. Because friendship is give and take and I can’t take if I’m not giving. And if I’m not putting my whole self out there, what are the odds that my friends aren’t doing the same thing?
Look for happiness in the little things again. It’s becoming far too easy to be bogged down in unhappiness lately, and I’m not really stopping to appreciate things the way I used to. So maybe if I start trying to look for it, the tables will turn and it’ll become a regular occurrence again like it used to be.
Keep downsizing my possessions. Because I still love every bit of that Chicago trip and how little I managed to survive on for a week.
Tomorrow, a new year starts. And I’m going to do my damnedest to make it count and make it better. Starting with my annual birthday cake baking tradition. Because cake makes everything better.
