I’m just over 3 weeks in on this motherhood thing and I still feel lost. I’m assuming that’s normal for a first-time mom? I’m not even “on my own,” yet, either, as the husband is still working from home in the mornings to help me out. I wish I could say that everything has been perfect and ideal, and that I’m doing everything I imagined I would. But that’s not how life is working out. And it sucks, and I’ve cried over a lot of it… and I’ve moved on (mostly). Motherhood is hard, but not because you’re taking care of this needy, crying newborn. No, it’s hard because you’re second guessing yourself and questioning your own decisions and constantly wondering if you’re doing something wrong because clearly if you were doing something right your baby wouldn’t be screaming almost inconsolably. Or it’s hard because you tell yourself if something isn’t working out then you’ll do something different and not stress about it, and then do the exact opposite and feel overwhelmed with guilt and tell yourself “if only I did ___” or “if only I would have ___.”
I’m slowly adjusting, and slowly learning to let go of some of my expectations. Very, very slowly. I know things will get better. I know I’ll get better. I know I’m just being hard on myself – I always am, after all. Learning to go with the flow has never been something I’m great at, anyway.