holidays – Page 3

Caroling, caroling

December 14, 2014 Marie Leave a Comment

There was a free holiday sing-a-long at the local theater today, so off we went and tucked ourselves into a small side aisle just in case we needed to dash out to the lobby with the baby if he started fussing. The afternoon was a mix of listening to the organists play on the old Wurlitzer and sing-a-long songs. The first one we sang was Santa Claus is Comin’ to Town and I had to fight back tears. I don’t know what, exactly, it was that made it happen, but I hit this super emotional wall and had to fight to maintain control or else I was going to be a sobbing mess and the other people around me would probably think I’m crazy.

I read this today, and I think I’m going to post it somewhere where I might see it a lot. I need to read this over and over again. I need to read it when I’m panicking about things not being perfect and just right. I need to read it when I try to make things perfect and they fail. Over, and over, and over again.

But this year while the world rushes around you, may you hold your sweet baby in your arms and realize that on this first Christmas, your baby will find no greater joy than in you. Because you are Mommy and you make everything beautiful just by being you.

Tomorrow… tomorrow I finish up wrapping presents. They’re not the handmade holiday gifts like I have always imagined I’d give – there’s no time with a job and a little one – but so far I can at least say that the holidays are shaping up, in other ways, just as I had long hoped and dreamed for.

Impossibly necessary

December 13, 2014 Marie Leave a Comment

We’re… what? 12 days away from Christmas? While I’ve had the urge to make ALL the things this holiday season, today has been the “oh shit” moment where I realize that I have 12 days to do it all in. Which is, really, more like 3 days considering during the week I have zero time to get anything done and I have to cram it in over the weekend. Everything feels absolutely, impossibly necessary this year for Declan’s first Christmas even though he won’t remember any of it. I know deep down I don’t have to do it all this year. Or next year, even. I have all these hopes and dreams for future holidays and it feels like it all rides on this very one. As if the homemade ornaments and new traditions will be less meaningful if I make them next year, or even the year after, instead of now.

Everything in general feels impossibly necessary for this little one. Not just holidays. Not just the ‘firsts.’ I want to do and make everything for him. I want to have all the holiday traditions. I want him to grow up with handmade gifts, homemade birthday cakes, and so much more. I have so many emotions tied to all of these ideas and I’m not sure, anymore, what is normal and what isn’t. I don’t feel like I know who I am anymore. When I look in the mirror I certainly look like me. But I don’t feel like I’m there anymore. I feel like I’ve been replaced with someone I don’t recognize. And I cry. A lot. It’s hard to explain and I’m not sure I could adequately describe what I mean if I tried. Adjusting to this new me has been, to say the least, hard. I think everyone around me has the idea that I’ve adjusted fabulously and that I’ve stepped into motherhood perfectly, and I guess I may give off that impression, but at least internally I’m still processing. Still thinking. Still trying to find the scraps of the old me and trying to find ways to merge them with this new life of mine. I always knew motherhood would be hard, but I expected it to be hard because you’re taking care of a helpless little baby – not because it throws everything you know about yourself into a blender and then you have to try to put the pieces back together.

I’ve had to, temporarily, stop reading a lot of blogs I usually love. The ones of other mothers. The ones who get to stay home with their children. The ones who make it seem so easy. I know life isn’t perfect, and I know that blogs are just a small snapshot and not wholly inclusive of all aspects of life. I know, I know, I know this. And, yet, I still manage to look at them and feel jealous and guilty and sad that my life isn’t theirs. And that’s not how you’re supposed to live your life – I’m not supposed to live someone else’s life. I’m supposed to live mine, and do what I can with it.

I need to focus on the things I have or can make time for, rather than focusing on my lack of time thanks to having to be a working mama. I need to let go of my perfectionism because I know ultimately it won’t matter if the handmade clay ornaments look awful: they’ll be precious anyway. I need to let go of feeling like I need to compete with other people, especially other moms. I need to figure out who I am under all these layers of new emotions, which feels like an impossible task right now. I don’t even know where to begin. Maybe I’ll never figure it out.

Snowflake photo clips

December 6, 2014 Marie 1 Comment

I’ve had these snowflake buttons in my craft stash for a few years now. I originally purchased them to use as a decorative accent on some felt mitten ornaments I wanted to make, but those never panned out. I tend to hoard supplies and not want to use them, but I’m trying to break that habit. Because, after all, I can generally find something similar to replace it with if I ever want it in the future.

So today I took some much-needed craft time to make a small set of snowflake photo clips. I’ve been using mini clothespins at work to hold photos at my desk with some twine, but with it being the holidays I wanted something sparkly and pretty for the home refrigerator. I had some leftover mini clothespins from another project, and some glitter tape, and a hot glue gun. This whipped up crazy fast, to say the least. The only thing I’m missing are my magnets – every time I find the package, they disappear on me. It might take tearing apart the craft room to find them again… so perhaps these will maybe be a holiday decoration for next year, instead?

Post Turkey Hangover

November 28, 2014 Marie Leave a Comment

Thanksgiving Dinner. We host every year, which is always stressful. I keep wondering if it will get easier from year to year… and I suppose it has if only because I started caring less about my house being perfectly clean. The volume of people crammed in here, however, never gets easier for me and it’s always a huge relief once everyone goes home and my house goes back to it’s usual level of noise.

I gave the baby a tiny bit of mashed sweet potato mixed with formula. We’re still a bit early for solids yet, though he is showing more interest in watching us eat and what we have on our plates, but since it was a holiday I thought it would be fun to let him try it. His reaction was pretty hilarious and he spit it out right away.

Today things are laid back and quiet. The remnants of Thanksgiving needs cleaned up and put away – tables, chairs, decorations on the dining room table, etc. And then it’s time to dig out the sparkles and lights and make the house merry and bright! It’s my favorite way to spend the Friday after. And this year in particular I’m overly excited – apparently having a baby makes you stop dreading the holidays?

I have finished knitting to show you all, and our cute holiday cards came in the mail, too… but first, coffee and decorating and holiday music.

Getting festive

November 16, 2014 Marie Leave a Comment

holiday1

We’re getting festive this weekend. And yes, I know, Thanksgiving isn’t over with yet. True story: I don’t care. Thanksgiving, to me, always feels oddly timed for a harvest meal. Canadians have it right, I think. At least for us Ohioans where the harvest season tends to be done by October (unless you use cold frames to continue growing things here and there). We’re getting snow tonight, which just screams “winter holidays” to me more than “Thanksgiving.” I’m very much into the holiday spirit at the moment and I’m just rolling with it.

I’m not a professional photographer by any means (the husband actually snapped this one as a test while we tried to get the camera settings right), but I think our photos have turned out quite cute. I knit the little Santa hat for him but it’s a tad big for his small noggin. But it works and it’s handmade and very us. I’m pretty sure everyone I know will look at that hat and just know I made it because I really am, apparently, that predictable.